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Apparently Lebron was not so silent after all. Full Court Pest took the liberty of hiring the world’s foremost body language expert to decipher exactly what Lebron was getting at after Orlando’s game 6 win. He was kind enough to take some time away from his CIA post to give us this world exclusive. Enjoy.
“Gratz Magic, you won, but you’re not the better team. I destroyed you and everyone in the world knows it. One, two or three open shots falling that normally fall for us and you don’t make the finals. So I’m not taking anything away, but I’m not walking over and saying gratz as if you’re the better team.I don’t care that the media is going to say you are, you’re not and we both know you’re damned lucky to make it past us.
As for you guys in the media, I’m not going to go up there and listen to questions about why were not good enough and aren’t going to the finals. My teammates didn’t hit open shots. My front office chose to save money when they could have traded Wally’s contract for a true star in a buyer’s market and gotten him back when he agreed to a buy out to save that team more money anyway. Which would have happened because his trade was a money dump and Wally stated he did not want to leave in no uncertain terms. We could have gotten an extra star for free, and instead we got Joe Smith for extra.
Lastly I’m not going to slag my teammates and pretend like its really their fault that a live by the three team happened to live, cuz while the magic won, they’re going to get killed in a finals match up that my team would have killed in. Even though everyone will say the Magic were the better team because that’s what Stern and ABC and ESPN and TNT and the sports writers and the owners and everyone who makes money off this game wants. I don’t care to say it and dance for the man. I don’t believe it and I don’t need it. I have my pride.
They need to say that so they make as much money as possible. I’m a player. And players don’t give a damn what you say. We make our money under contract and don’t need to create a false sense of accomplishment for the teams at the end to sell the finals. I don’t have to recoup the millions Nike wasted from the ads pitting me and Kobe against each other. The millions they paid me to do them are in my bank account right now. I’ll use the money I made in the fraction of a second I coughed on set to pay the 25k fine. They were ripping off Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carrola’s Crank Yankers anyway.
If we played this series out 10 more times my team wins 10 times. Its the secret everyone knows but won’t say. No, I’m not going to your press conference to talk about other people. I know no one has questions about me because I made sure all Lebron related questions were answered fully, in triplicate, on the court. Did you see what I did to their defense? I’m not going to let you see me defeated and make a spectacle out of Lebron James failing like you did to Dirk in 97, Kobe in 98 and Britney Spears ‘come back’ at the MTV awards. I’m smart enough to see a media set up coming and I’m not walking into it to give you an opportunity to mess with my head for a couple of headlines so you can sell yourself by putting your name below my picture.
You’ll see us here again next year because you know and I know that I’m the future of this league. Stern knows it too and you just watch his reaction to what I’m telling you. Slap on the wrist cuz for the first time in over a decade that man knows his league is in steady, capable hands once again. I reiterate, you’re not going to see me in defeat. Not on the court saying good job. Not in the press conference answering questions you already know the answers to.
If you think this is anything more then a blip I have two words for you. Fuck and you. I’m not arrogant or stupid enough to tell you the truth though. And I’m not lame enough to sit there and give political answers dancing around the truth. So I’m choosing none of the above and filling in the blank with integrity. See you next year twice as hungry.“
Hmm… I’m not sure if thats ‘precisely’ a word for word translation, and something tells me this CIA guy might have grown up in Cleveland. If you’d like to send feedback just stand next to your nearest non-suspicious looking plant and voice your opinions… his people will make sure your input will find its way to him… or you can just comment below.