LayMan’s Math: Wilt Chamberlain’s Sexual Statistics

Since they were different women no repeats, right?
So that means…

500 women per year/365 days =1.36 women a day

24 hours a day/ 1.36 women a day = a new woman every 17.64 hours

Wilt Chamberlain would have had to have had sex with a new woman every 17.6 hours from the age of 15 to 55 and must have had sex countless thousands more times if he double dipped. Suffice to say, the single greatest solution to continental drought died with Wilt Chamberlain’s genitals.

I’m sure Wilt had CRAZY amounts of sex. Every kind of kinky group sex you could imagine. He had a room specifically designed in his home covered in mirrors so he could see the one he truly loved when doing the deed. I don’t think its possible to have that much sex when you’re spending time training; Wilt was a crazy good athlete, traveling; NBA athletes spent eons on buses and planes and who knows, maybe hanging out at his mom’s house for Christmas or something.

Say… he was sick for a week… I’m sure over 40 years he got food poisoning or some such ailment. That means the next week he would have to sleep with no less then 19 women between bathroom breaks to keep up. Another record Wilt would probably claim is to have spent 40 years without a single headache.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HA-mHjSXZlcSize Is Not Everything: Just Ask Ditya ‘Romeo’ Dev, The World’s Smallest Bodybuilder (Note: this is must click)If he was on a road trip spending one night in each city, and say that lasted two weeks, and say a family member died and he attended the funeral shortly after, and say he was only able to bag 10 new women for that month. The next month he’d need to get 66 more just to stay on pace.

I’m just trying to fathom the depravity that happened, or at least occurred in Wilt’s 55 year old mind. Given that he spent large amounts of his life not having sex with women, much less new women, Wilt must have had rooms full of 20-30 women, new women, in lines and ready for ‘the stilt’.

Chamberlain once recalled driving across Arizona or New Mexico and pulling his car momentarily to the side of the road presumably to take a leak. He says he was attacked by a mountain lion (he had scratches to prove it) that surprised him when it jumped on his shoulder. Wilt in all seriousness said he grabbed it by the tail, spun, and flung back into the woods from whence it came.

The part he must have left out from the official story was with his bang count of new women in jeopardy, Wilt tracked the mountain lion to his den and made sweet love to the the lion’s wife lest he fall behind his 20,000 pace. Maybe he managed to slip off with the sweet young lion daughter too… charmer that he was. Wilt most likely would have made a great comic book hero and/or spokemen for ASSociation of LAtex Producers (aka ASSLAP).

Back to surreality, if its a given that Wilt was having considerably less sex at the 15 and 55 year ends of the time frame, and it is a given, then that means he made up for the 500/year count in the middle. The sessions must have been truly epic. Maybe Wilt was counting all the reflections in the mirrors of his own love den. Either way, I’ve still got images of sesame street kids candle making, football players running through tires and scientists using pipettes on endless rows of test tubes. Its no wonder they called him “The Big Dipper”!

And just a PS FCP fans… I just realized that I’ve been able to work a midget into two straight articles without even trying. Can I complete the little people trifecta? Tune in next week, same bat channel, same bat time, to find out!

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